8 Ways Social Media Gurus will both Hate and yet Leverage the Impending Death of Social Media
June 18, 2009 16 Comments
Various not-to-be-named Internet experts have announced the impending Death of Social Media™. This has caused distress among the “twittering classes” of social media gurus, who see their lives, emotional well-being, and even livelihoods threatened by this shark-jumping portent of doom.
Nonetheless, the virtual world as we know it will not end. In fact, this will simply be another evolutionary step forward – yet another way for the Guru Strata™ to maintain their position of influence in that series of tubes we call the Interwebs.
Here are 8 ways to leverage the Death of Social Media while still proclaiming to hate it:
- 1. Launch a new conference series, “Preparing for the Death of Social Media in 140 Characters.” ™ Beside soaking the masses for registration, charge Apple $25 for every Mac laptop and iPhone seen on the premises.
2. Charge for a blogging course, “How to blog about the demise of blogging” and give away to all registrants the 29 biggest secrets to AdSense revenue that will die along with your blog.
3. Put together a conference called, let’s say, UnBlog Chesapeake, ™ collect loads of money from the masses, and then bloviate forth with expertise on how gurus can unwind their social media involvement and find real jobs.
4. Do sponsored tweets, lose all your followers, get a little bit of revenue while the getting is good, then proclaim how your experience shows that we are at the tipping point of the Death of Social Media.
5. Charge thousands for a new research report on how the Death of Social Media will lead to the demise of social media gurus, but the ascent of a new Guru Strata class, the Trendalyst. ™ Wait. I think we’ve already got this..
6. Create a campaign to help millions erase their Facebook profiles with a new tool, the CleanMyFace. ™ Charge extra for zapping MySpace.
7. Open a series of Micro-blog Recovery Centers ™ where the truly addicted can come for daily appointments, pretend to tweet with make-believe friends, and feel “connected” once again before facing the real world.
8. Shave your head and write a book called “Islands” ™, a follow-up to the “Tribes” concept, extolling the virtues of every man being an island in a desolate wasteland of human disconnectedness.
As for me, I think I’ll launch a site called AllFlop, where we can easily track (by topic) the dead pool of all those deceased social media apps.
Yep, great times are ahead. Now’s the time to get ahead of the curve by ripping down your blog, erasing your tweets, and showing the rest of the world how to enjoy the Death of Social Media. Don’t be left behind!
UPDATE: Part 2 of this vital series is here: Bye-bye, Social Media Die (the new anthem for the end of social media).
(do I really think Social Media is dying? Of course not. Here’s how I see the evolution unfolding…)
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