Five in the Morning 021209

connierContinuing the theme of “Let’s have a whole week of great guest hosts so Woodruff can sleep in for once,” today’s Five in the Morning is brought to us by that dynamo of pink boa blogging energy, Connie Reece. Connie attracts complex complimentary adjectives like magnets attract metal filings – ubiquitous, prolific, & inimitable come to mind – but all seasoned with some caring Texas kindness. Go see what Connie has cooked up for us (and subscribe to her blog and Twitter stream if you haven’t already!)

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btw, the ePharma Summit conference went very well – thanks to all who “listened in” via the live blogging on my Impactiviti blog, and the excessively noisy tweetstorm that the “Twitter Power Corner” put up during the M-W event!

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Social Media Museum has Bloggers all A-Twitter!

(Austin, TX) Today marks the opening of the long-awaited Social Media Museum (SoMeMe), a new mecca for worldwide networkers to come and gawk at really wOOty stuff that has fed into the historic Soc Med revolution.

conniereece1Curator Connie Reece, resplendent in a new pink-on-pink outfit financed by the Republican National Committee, cut a symbolic pink boa to mark the grand opening. Thousands of bloggers and tweeters attended virtually by watching a video stream from Jay Ehret‘s pate-mounted camera phone.

“This is a dream come true!” gushed Connie, fumbling with her smartphone to try to text message iJustine about the event. Matt Dickman quickly took over that task, with his patented “two-fisted Blackberry” technique, uploading a live HD podcast. “I can’t thank all the contributing bloggers enough, especially CB Whittemore, who picked out the carpet and cleaned the bathrooms, and Director Tom Clifford, who wore that cool beret, played 70’s rock tunes, and directed us while we did the work!”

“Wait ’til everyone sees what we’ve got here! In the Welcome Center, we have a continuous 45-second loop of Guy Kawasaki answering the question, ‘What is a blog?’, just the thing for nOObs stumbling in here with their postage stamps and FAX machines. Plus, we have a ‘Guess that blogger?’ Shel game for those who aren’t yet immersed in our superstar A-list rockstars.”

A continuous feed of Wine Library TV runs in the restrooms, with Gary Vaynerchuk bringing the thunder 24/7 to a captive audience. “And check this out over here!” Connie beamed. “It’s the Ike Pigott Personal Brand Exhibit, where visitors can assemble their own faux personal brand on-line and walk out with a keepsake avatar!”

soc-med-museumSpeaking of personal branding, the kids have not been neglected. In the Dan Schawbel Personal Branding nursery, young ones are schooled in the art of establishing their Generation-whatever brand right from the get-go, while toddler care in the Jibber-Jobber-Jr. room was designed by Jason Alba to help the little ones start planning their careers right away, complete with a complimentary on-line profile.

“And I’m so proud of ‘Shannon’s Slapshooters’, our special chick-blogger room featuring inspirational video-casts by Shannon Paul, Amanda Gravel, Beth Harte, Charissa Cowart, Lucretia Pruitt, and other luminaries of the fairer gender. We tried to get a wax statue of Arianna Huffington in here, but had to settle for the Ann Handley padded bench recliner.”

John Moore’s Brand Autopsy room promises to be a big draw, where John (and other guest bloggers) will dissect the branding and marketing efforts of various hapless organizations as a special hourly feature. In addition, Robert Scoble‘s upcoming trip to Mars to throw a blanket over the formerly-tweeting Phoenix explorer and mount a super-secret Nokia Nscoble camera phone on its robotic arm will be prominently featured, along with a 3-d hologram of the immortal Matt Bacak.

The Ancient History wing will feature such kewl exhibits as Jason Calcanis‘ blog, a life-sized Fail Whale, Mack Collier‘s modem (oh, wait – that’s contemporary), and a stuffed Pownce.

fail-whale-tshirtA final stop for visitors will be the Armano Blogger Wear and Hat shop, where the latest soc med fashions will be prominently displayed on life-sized avatars. A karaoke stage will also be set up in case the Catchup Lady ever visits.

For directions, just consult Douglas Karr‘s BrightKite posts.

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(Previous StickyFigure spoofs)

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Meaning of Life Unveiled!

After experiencing his first-ever philosophical epiphany over the weekend, blogger Mack Collier decided to take on a challenge never accomplished by the world’s greatest thinkers – sketching out the meaning of life in one concise graphic.

“It suddenly came to me,” stated Collier, who was Plurking over dial-up in rural Alabama when the revelation hit him like a flood of tweets. “I saw the great secret, that which had eluded Socrates, Plato, Augustine, and Pacman Jones all these centuries. When you are suddenly aware of the unifying forces that bind together and explain all of reality, it’s positively awesome. Kind of like eating a bunch of White Castle sliders and washing them down with a mega-size Dr. Pepper.”

Click here to see the entire graphic.

Quickly, Mack abandoned his effort to update his constantly-unchanging Top 25 Marketing blogs and set about to draw, in one simple graphic that will be immediately understandable to all, the meaning of life. “I took my inspiration from top information designer Edward Tufte, and from David Armano, who had always made these neat-o graphics to explain tough concepts. I have always been a closet graphic designer, and I hope Armano won’t be too jealous when he sees how I’ve taken on a much bigger challenge that he ever attempted, and came up with a far more aesthetically pleasing production.”

Other bloggers were awestruck when Mack’s graphic exploded onto the blogosphere. “Oh man, I’ve been missing it…missing it all along!” moaned Greg Verdino, as he realized that his concentration on leveraging asynchronous micro-interactions to achieve scaled conversation was completely off-base and more than slightly geeky. “That thing with the Plurk mascot and arrow – now I get it. I really get it. I’m going to go be a lifeguard somewhere. My work here is done.”

According to Connie Reece, “The Mack” (the name rapidly attached to this seminal graphic) has had life-changing impact already on friends and neighbors. “I forwarded it to Susan Reynolds and she was so excited her peas melted. Then I shared it with Doug Meacham, and as soon as he saw that 13 o’clock thingie in parallel with the 3 Stooges, he knew. He just knew!”

Kevin Dugan, noted PR blogger, was in such awe that he was speechless. According to Kevin, ”           .” Of course, being on vacation, perhaps he is only concerned about such ultimate questions as what SPF sunscreen to slop onto his earlobes.

Collier has been humbled by the reception of his genius. “Heck, everyone knew I was a pretty smart blogger, after my first drawing of the Theory of Relativity, but now everyone will recognize that I’m just a regular ol’ blogger from Alabama. Who happens to be smarter than everyone else. Heh.”

UPDATE: “The Mack” already having a profound effect on child development – Think tank Collier and Collier today released remarkable results from the first clinical study using “The Mack” to influence intellectual development in infants. A volunteer group of bloggers pinned full-color copies of “The Mack” over the cribs of their newborns, while a control group used a printout of the home page of Guy Kawasaki’s Alltop. Within 2 weeks, the “Mackerels” were not only sleeping through the night, but 44% of them were using Blackberries to text food and clothing needs to caregivers. On the other hand, 81% of the “Kawasakis” were colicky and had to be “404’d” out of the study. All but one of the control group (that would be Emily Falls) were incapable of composing a 140-character tweet.

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