Become a Certified Quora Ninja!

(yes, this is a spoof. Only a pixie-dusting unicorn can make you a real Quora ninja!)

Yes, you too can become a Certified Quora Ninja!

Quora is the hottest thing on the social media circuit today! All the hottest names in networking are advancing their personal brands, and beefing up their subscriber numbers, by asking and answering earth-shattering questions on the most relevant and authentic site going!

With our 15 years of experience navigating Quora, we have the chops to certify you at the Expert, Guru, or Ninja level in no time! For just $995, our 2-hour webinar can transform you into a question-fielding black belt who will be envy of the social media crowd. You’ll be a sought-after speaker at South-by, and your Klout ranking will go through the roof in just days!

Here’s what you’ll learn in this dynamic and ground-breaking course:

  1. Setting up an account in Quora (bonus: using Twitter to log in!)
  2. Creating your profile – 7 hints even the experts don’t know!
  3. How to ask a question that ends with a question mark.
  4. The art of the answer – how to obfuscate and sound intelligent doing so!
  5. Hyperlinks – your best friend on Quora. The ninja-click explained step-by-step
  6. Selling yourself based on superior knowledge you don’t possess – the 5 keys.
  7. BONUS! The ninja method of cut-and-paste research to amp up your expertise!

What will you get from this amazing course? A huge well of in-depth knowledge from the experts. Big props from social media lemmings who will turn to you for expertise and substance-abuse counseling. And, a coveted digital Quora Ninja Certificate (suitable for computer wallpaper or Twitter background graphic) that proudly proclaims your new status among the elite! Click to biggify —->

Just forward $995 by Paypal TODAY – this is a limited-time offer, and only a handful of visionary ninjas will be anointed before this course is closed forever!

(post inspired by this lunatic profile on LinkedIn—-> (click to biggify),                    discovered and shared by my friend Olivier Blanchard, Chief Social Media Ninja-Puncturer).

Disclaimer: this is a spoof. Any hope of turning you into an expert by means of a bogus course on- or off-line is strictly imaginary. The ConnectionAgency does not guarantee that, by taking this or any other course, you will be investing in anything worth more than a virtual sheet of 20-lb. paper. Title, taxes, dealer prep and options not included. Void where prohibited by common sense.

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About Steve Woodruff
Steve Woodruff is a blogger, a Connection Agent, and a consultant in the pharma/healthcare industry. He specializes in helping people and companies make mutually beneficial connections.

16 Responses to Become a Certified Quora Ninja!

  1. @Josepf says:

    (((Steve))))

    (said in near panic) First, you lowered your price down from $1,295.99 (can I get the difference back as Alpha tester?) Then, um, is this some crazy marketing strategy? I think you guaranteed me first page placement for 10 years? Oh, got it! You’re trying to weed out the wanna-be’s!

    Thanks for the 32 lb paper weight certificate! I got two new clients yesterday and they each have 9,281 followers in Quora already because of my Ninja Skills! Wax on Wax off brother!

    ((ummm, are ya going to paypal me back the difference?))

    Josepf

    Disclaimer: Never met Steve before! Ran into him because of @SeanMcGinnis post to #usGuys. Unlike the horde following me I’ve actually answered a question or two on Quora… Still not sure if it will take off or Jump the Shark first.

    Quora: What are the best ways to use Hashable at an event or conference? 4 Answers: http://qr.ae/Kci7

  2. Bret Simmons says:

    I almost missed this being a spoof. I had a tweet ready to go that said “give me a f@#cking break!” I think Quora is WAY overrated. Lots of noise, very little real signal, and censorship by administration to boot! But you are so correct, it won’t take long for the social media charlatans to peddle this crap to simpletons looking for more instant pudding. Well done. Bret

  3. Ann Handley says:

    This is hilarious. I just love you Steve.

  4. tom martin says:

    STOP!!! Crying over this one…. so true though… the noise level around Quora since Jan 1 has been crazy. Everyone rushing in to be the “first” so 2 years from now they can be the next Brogan, Armano, Naslund, etc…

    Thanks for the morning laugh my friend…

  5. Well Steve, I am just ashamed of you. Making fun of Quora like this. Don’t you know that it is THE next thing on the horizon?!? You know that becoming a guru is all that matters in social media. ;)

    Loved the post, I really could not stop laughing while reading it – even funnier because you can bet by the end of this year someone will be teaching a class like this for real!

  6. Does this certification come with a badge for my weblog?

  7. Brian Frankson says:

    Do not forget the the impressive “QNC” designation (Quora Ninja Certified) that can go on your business card. The Quora-nation needs you. Good one Steve, made my day.

  8. Kristof says:

    Thanks for the laugh.

    I was cringing is angst thinking, “Please, oh pleas, the social space doesn’t need any more of this” when I got to the “spoof” part. Unfortunately, you *just know* someone is going to try this.

  9. Is there a Portuguese version for the course. I would like to anticipate the Quora start up in Brazil… and be the first. As we know, tbe the first is critical for the success, as say all marketing experts!

  10. chrismlindgren says:

    I found this post hysterical. My Quora profile now says: Biopharma marketer, definitely not a Quora ninja. In the mean time this Quora rookie is gaining some real green belt experience, and having some fun while doing. It’s definitely got me thinking. What about a Quora Ninja widget / badge for your blog, FB and LinkedIn accounts: I am a Quora certified Thought Leader Ninja.

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