How to Eliminate 68% of Useless Twitter Traffic in One Blog Post

Look – we all know there’s way too much repetitive noise drowning out the useful signal on Twitter.

Let’s slice it in half (+18% bonus!) with one fell swoop:

1. Social media is changing the world! >It sure is.

2. People want to be part of the conversation! >Yes, they do indeed.

3. It’s all about transparency and authenticity! >Good. Let’s do that.

4. Traditional (marketers/media people/grandmas/teens) don’t get it. >OK. So we have work to do.

5. Bacon, chocolate, and coffee are good. Karaoke is fun. Air travel, however, rots. >Check.

6. (fill-in-the-blank) is dead. >Well, if it’s not yet, it will be.

7. Guy Kawasaki is not a virtuous user of Twitter. Yes, he is. >OK, opinions will differ.

8. RT RT RT RT RT RT The Gulf of Mexico is on fire!! >Yes, we know. That news is a few RT cycles old now.

9. My Twitter horoscope today says… >No-one cares.

10. Get more blog traffic with useless Top 10 lists peppered with dubious statistics and lying linkbait >Thanks for that.

See – that was easy! Next time you’re tempted to tweet one of the above, simply link to this post instead and save everybody the trouble. I’ve even made it easy for you (just cut/paste into Twitter): I’m cutting down useless Twitter traffic with http://bit.ly/Eliminate68

;>} What would you add to get us to 73%??

————-

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About Steve Woodruff
Steve Woodruff is a blogger, a Connection Agent, and a consultant in the pharma/healthcare industry. He specializes in helping people and companies make mutually beneficial connections.

73 Responses to How to Eliminate 6873 of Useless Twitter Traffic in One Blog Post

  1. tom martin says:

    LOL

    You need #1 — this was in the Mashable email this morning ;-)

    @TomMartin

  2. Rob Berman says:

    I will give it a try and post it now.

    Rob

  3. I know it’s nice to be polite and show your Twitter love, but i think there’s too much “thanks for the RT” out there.

    Also, when you write a blog post or article and you let you followers know, how many times should you do it per day? Three, five, ten, twenty?

    Thanks for the post!

    • Gabriel – thanks for comment! And I think I’ll tweet my thanks five…ten…maybe twenty times!

      • No, no, NO!

        You are completely missing the point.

        If I publicly RT my thank you to you about you retweeting my link to my blog post earlier I would completely miss out on the opportunity of acting like I’m thanking you while really just pushing my link again.

        Do you really want to take away my secret selfish commercialism? Do you really want me to to write long run-on sentences explaining why this is a bad idea? I didn’t think so. Think before you speak next time.

        Snarkily yours,

        @techguerilla

    • Alex de Soto says:

      Amen. I don’t expect thank you’s:
      Thanks for the RT, follow, mention, whatever.

    • Rich Brooks says:

      Agreed; if you want to thank someone for an RT, make it a DM.

  4. Leigh Durst says:

    I’d add: just checked into or “I’m at

    I hate that but maybe some people find it useful.

    Thanks for the RT, by the way. ;-)

  5. Ike says:

    Eliminate another 1% by eradicating my account.

  6. Ruth says:

    “I just ousted @XYZ as the Mayor of….” Yeah, thanks, but unless it’s the White House or the Playboy Mansion I don’t really care.

    And Twitpic’s of your pets (unless it’s truly cool or remarkable) can stay on your phone. Thanks.

    Wow I like this Steve. I’m not usually one to complain and feel Twetter already!

  7. You could package those tweets & offer them to newbies as a “Twitter Starter Kit.” You know they’re going to post them all eventually; why not give folks the opportunity to get them all out of the way right up front?

    • Great idea! For $10.95, we’ll auto-tweet all the stupid stuff your first day, when you don’t have any followers anyway, then you can move on to the good stuff! Someone will make a business out of it… :>}

      • You could also offer add-ons, where for an extra ten bucks, they can drill deep on a selected topic. Example package: The 100 top cliches about how Social Media is changing the world…

        Voila! Instant Expert!

  8. If applied, this should slow twitter traffic by .000001% if we’re lucky.

    And did you know Facebook hit 500 million subscribers?!?!

    Thanks, love it.

  9. Bingo on all counts! Love the blog and all the comments! I will add tweeting more than 25 times per day… get a hobby!

  10. I’d eliminate the “Must read now!” posts with dead links. Or any tweets that just link to a book or e-book that someone is pimping. Which goes to show I’m probably following the wrong people. FWIW.

  11. karembeu says:

    Great! But now this will cycle round for days and make up some of that 68%

    You could become a victim of your own success(ful post).

  12. Vishal says:

    Would love to see how many RTs does “I’m cutting down useless Twitter traffic with http://bit.ly/Eliminate68” get :)

  13. Todd Defren says:

    LOL – good stuff here – but wouldn’t following this list of ideas weed out 14% of the fun of Twitter, and 99% of the reasons the old-skool Twitterati have to complain about the n00bs & wannabes?

  14. Adam Jones says:

    A nice idea, but after seeing the 100th Tweet and RT of “I’m cutting down useless Twitter traffic with ..” It starts to end up creating the monster it is trying to stop!

    • It’s kind of like taking a private jet to Europe to help slow down global warming….someone’s gotta be the hypocrite in order to be the hero!

  15. I’m guilty of this, but next time I see a photo (TwitPic et al) of what you’re eating, I’m going to regurgitate MY OWN meal… *Hint* Cell phones do NOT do food photography justice – especially at Applebees!

  16. LoneWolf says:

    You forgot #ff — some people even have no clue that this is Follow Friday and use them every day of the week. It’s bad enough when limited to Friday.

    Then there is the RT of every #ff that mentions yourself — sigh 8=(

    I thought that #ff died a horrible death last year.

  17. Tom O'Brien says:

    My $0.02:

    – any motivational quote
    – google is your new homepage
    – SM is about relationships, not campaigns
    – any Top Ten (or more, god forbid you actually edit your list down) list on how to . . .

    @tomob

  18. Bril!

    Please add: “Vote for me, me, me …. and be sure and do it once a day between now and 2 years from now”

    I hate that s***.

    I don’t mind food pics at all (sorry) and in fact encourage them. But that might be because all I think about is (1) food (2) beer (3) wine (4) all of the above and many of my friends are either foodies or alcoholics. Clearly. I don’t, however, care that much about sports or stupid TV shows, but I tolerate those conversations the same way others nobly tolerate my proclivity to discuss and share photos of food and/or talk about drinking.

    Motivational quotes blow.

    So do stupid jokes when you use them to feed your twitter stream when you are sleeping.

    Unless, of course, you’re a social media rockstar, then it’s fine.

    And while I’m no stranger to the occasional curse word (obviously), I’d really rather not see F*** in my Twitter stream. It just seems, well, inappropriate.

    That is all. Thank you for the brilliant post and thanks to all for the equally brilliant comments.

    Shelly Kramer
    @shellykramer

    http://v3im.com

  19. Evilyn C. says:

    I will add #11. nobody cares about your personal ex boyfriend or girlfriend type of drama (Seriously, post that on Facebook, it will surely backfire you and make it more complicated)

    But I will delete #2
    If people want to be part of conv., they will contribute, thus great sparkles generating ideas & such. At least that’s how engagement comes from. Wouldn’t you agree?

    • But what if the ex-girlfriend becomes part of the conversation? :} (#2 is there because, by now, 99% of the audience reading already knows why we’re engaging!)

  20. Brandon says:

    A personal non-fave of mine that seems to be happening more often: people who reply via RT.

    OMG it was the best evarrr!! RT @oneperson: @otherperson What did you think of Inception?

    I wish bad things upon the people who do that.

  21. Here’s one we should see more of:

    “Hello? Hello? Is this thing on? Anybody there? Testing. Testing. Damn I could have sworn that was the ON switch.”

  22. Feel free to hold back on tweets that contain your follower count, tweet reach, Klout Score, TwitterAnalyzer stats, daily earnings, BMI, or IQ. — The percentage is getting better already.

    Great post, Steve. It’s not often I get to condemn arrogance and exhibit it in the same sentence.

  23. Jon Wollenhaupt says:

    Thanks to 4sqaure I am regularly updated when my attention deprived and freebie-needy friends are at Walgreens.

  24. Anything that says “I just voted for X on site X to become X! You can, too!”

    Anything about Lindsay Lohan.

    Anything about Twitter’s API (*guilty*).

    Anything that refers to your Godfather, Mafia, War, Farm or any other senseless crap app that I don’t have time for.

    Any tweet followed by the hash tag #quote.

    My $1.25

  25. Liz says:

    Feel good empowerment quotes about love, friendships, relationships etc etc etc. If it reeks kumbaya, well, it probably is.

  26. #11 Unplugging now. Time for bed. It’s always bed time somewhere.
    ;)

  27. Steve u left out one other thing this>>> (((((hugs)))))
    Seriously nothing makes me want to put hot pokers in my eyes more than that! Yes I am from NJ don’t hug me. ha ha

  28. Jay Ehret says:

    Steve, we could eliminate the Twitter fail whale if people would stop sharing so many links. In my own unscientific study I found that about 70% of tweets of those I follow are links. I also found that 84% of those links are of little to no interest to anybody. Therefore 60% of all Twitter traffic is unnecessary (do the math).

  29. Alan Wolk says:

    Many good suggestions above. My personal pet peeve: Charlie Browning.

    Which is link bait to an article whose only redeeming quality is that it favorably mentions the tweeter. A fact the tweeter conveniently forgets to mention in the tweet.

    E.g @Lucy will tweet “Who are the 10 smartest people in Social Media?” http://bit.ly/adng987

    Now you know that most of @Lucy’s links are to lame articles that somehow mention how awesome she is. But, like Charlie Brown kicking the football, click on @Lucy’s link, only to find a really lame article that magically has @Lucy at #5 on the list.

    Burned again.

  30. sally says:

    Well, I confess that I recently did an experiment and unfollowed a bunch of people who overshared by:

    – constant tweeting of their own posts many times in 1 day (you know who they are)
    – arrogantly demanding “Pls RT”! (too presumptiously rude)
    – Sending me a DM every time they post a blog (sigh)
    – RT #FF that included themselves, even on Monday
    – putting a . before every tweet so everyone is exposed to a lot more noise.

    My unscientific conclusion was that 80% of the noise was from 20% of noisiest, although a statistical test was not used to determine significance or the hazard ratio :-)

    Solution: Bliss can be found by deleting only 20% of the most irritating tweeters, heh.

  31. sally says:

    PS Steve may I congratulate you on the elegant simplicity and minimalism of the url, “eliminate”.

    Of course, the Daleks would have suggested, “exterminate!” as a viable alternative ;-)

  32. Alan Wolk says:

    One more – tweets bitching about how there are too many people claiming to be social media experts. With the implication being that the tweeter is far to wise and experienced for anyone to cast these sorts of aspersions on them.

    I mean WTF. That’s like people in California, circa 1849 bitching about how there are too many people calling themselves “gold miners.”

  33. Joseph Ruiz says:

    So I guess the obvious conclusion is no one really cares to weigh in on this topic.
    Thanks for your attempt at a public service announcement, or observation or something. ;-)

  34. Bonnie says:

    what about:

    “make millions of dollars with the Trump Network”

  35. Marc Meyer says:

    I suggest a new app- Tweet templates-take the mystery out of what to say. Not only can you schedule your tweets but now you can pick what you want to say and when you want to say it. Sentiment will be an additional licensing fee. You’ll be allowed to tweet 40 self promotional links a month-anything above that will be an additional charge.

  36. raincoaster says:

    Actually, I LOVE #8. Getting news I knew about two days ago in hasty “OMG Nixon is dead” tweets allows me to feel superior to other people many, many times a day.

  37. Ok…you really want to know HOW to get rid of most of the crap out there from Twitter?

    Here’s my secret.

    Step 1: Do you use Outlook? (if yes, proceed to Step 2. If no, then start using Outlook even if it is just for this…TRUST ME!)

    Step 2: Download & follow instruction on installation instructions for the “TwinBox” App for Outlook.

    (If you’re an avid user of Outlook…I think you know what I am to suggest.)

    Step 3: After installation is complete. Start creating rules within Outlook for certain keywords, like: porn, justin bieber, or anything that you see WAY too often. When creating the rules you could do put all these tweets into 1 folder or just dump them right in the trash. Or my favorite thing to do is delete them permanently of the server as soon as they arrive.

    It’s that easy. Obviously over time you’ll keep adding new words to your rule list.

    It’s an AWESOME way to never have to deal with absolute BS on Twitter EVER again.

    It’s one thing to write an article about 10 Steps to recognize 68% of the douche bags out there…and might I say that figure is WAY low. I would have to say 70% – 80% of Twitter’s accounts are fake. Analyze it for a moment, these fake accounts may look real, but if you do a bit of research you’ll see that MANY of these bozo accounts are linked to one another in a giant web of BS. SEO / SEM firms and other outsourcing companies use Social Media to RT messages to promote the businesses that hired them to do so…instead of the business itself doing it organically.

    That’s my $0.02.

  38. Hey Steve,

    I have absolutely nothing of value to add here in this space, this vast wasteland, this repository or is it suppository of aimless, useless dialogue between entities that heretofore and forthwith shall be bonded in perpetuity until such time a tangible elucidation can be ascertained.

  39. Karen Swim says:

    Good gosh man you’re on a roll! Lol! Oh no was that on the list too? Note to self avoid excecsive lol and emoticons.

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